Red Dawn... 'Classic'?

Dad and I are watching Red Dawn right now, and before it starts he says:

"They need to make a movie like this these days."

I didn't realize Dad was such a Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen fan...

you're welcome, stockholm!!!

Ah.. to be 12 again

The other day I was at Lindsay's, and I stepped on her do-it-all scale. I just wanted to rub in the fact that according to it I have 7% body fat and the metabolic rate of a 12 year old. Boo-ya-ka!!

I can't wait!!

forget the pacific-coast-harley-davidson-family-roadtrip...we've got a more fashionable way to travel!

...the hoovercraft video has been removed because it's loud, annoying, and i think we've all seen it. if you haven't seen it, it can be found at http://www.internationalrobotics.com/Movies/Float-Er.MPG.

i've got an idea...

does anyone else find this exceptionally lame??? who needs a "walking workout" dvd? ...and how exactly does that work? do you walk in circles in the living room as you attempt to keep an eye on the dvd for it to tell you what's next? and how much walking instruction can be on a walking dvd? who really needs THIS much help??

change the message...or else...

Sorry, but we don't carry alopecia...

Most of you have heard this story, but I figured I would put it up here at the request of many. This occurred while I was working at the Missionary Mall. I was helping a mom find various items around the store. While looking at some gift items the mom leaned a little close and asked, "Do you have alopecia?"

Thinking this was some sort of product she was looking for that I wasn't aware of I tried to respond in a professional manner, "No, I don't think we carry that."

She then said, a little confused, "No, no, I mean with your hair."

Realizing she wasn't talking about any product but rather something to do with my spots, I thought quickly and couldn't remember ever having anything that sounded like alopecia (whatever that was!).

As soon as I was done helping her I got on one of the computers at work and looked up alopecia on Wikipedia. Once I started reading the light bulb came on in my head and everything started making a little more sense.

For those who are as uneducated as I was feel free to learn more.

Score: Olivia - 1; Errol - 0

So last night I watched The Adventures of Errol Flynn. It was a biography that TCM put together about the life and times of our favorite swashbuckler. Besides giving fun little tid-bits like the name of his beach house with David Niven (Cirrhosis by the Sea), and a brief history of his child hood in Tasmania; it showed interviews with some of his leading ladies and Ex-wives. Of course, Olivia de Havilland had the best story which I will now relate to you.

Apparently when they were filming Robin Hood together, Errol was in hot pursuit however still married to his first wife. Olivia, being the lady that she is, was resisting with all her might. Errol was trying to convince Olivia that they were soon to be divorced but after his wife visited the set for a few days, it was quite apparent that that was not going to happen any time soon. Olivia decided to get back at Errol. The next piece of the story is best described by the words of Ms. de Havilland. "When we moved back to the movie studio, there was a kissing scene that we needed to shoot which I looked forward to with great anticipation. I blew every take at least seven or eight times. . .Errol grew quite uncomfortable and, if I might say, had a little trouble with his tights." This was followed with a knowing raise of the eyebrow and a subtle nod.

When you've got it, you've got it!

YouMail... If only!

I found this on Kevin & Bean's website. If only I had this when Dad left his legendary voice mail for me, then we would have it forever.

Anyways, I just thought some of you might find it interesting:

www.youmail.com

Insert Foot Into Mouth

About a week ago, Pug, Jeff and I went to a house party here in the LV. There was a pretty small group of fun people but after an hour we decided to roll out. On our way out we were chatting with a few friends who asked us what we were doing later that night. Jeff replied in his smart alec way, "We're going back to my place to have a mena je . . ." Unbenounced to us our mentally handicapped Friend Steven was there listening to us and turns to Jeff and asks, "What's a mena je?" I have never seen Jeff so speechless in his life. A few awkward grunts and uhms came out and then Steven said, "Is it something sexual?" At that point Jeff just turned to Pug and I and said, "We're out!"

I can't wait until Steven asks his mom, "Mom, whats a mena je?"

This wins the cute competition. There is nothing in the world cuter!

NO WHAMMIES!!!!!!!

Everyone remember to pray that Bonds doesn't get his homer in LA. NOT ON OUR WATCH!

Buzz Kill

i have been so excited for this week...not only do i get to celebrate a new promotion, but i have plans to travel to chicago for work for 2 days then off to idaho for a weekend of wakeboarding, river rafting, hiking, etc. how could one not be excited?

well, i've just experienced the total traveling buzz kill. would you like to join me on my journey?
3:30 pm - arrive at LAX, check-in, no hiccups
4:10 pm - board the plane for departure at 4:27
4:25 pm - pull away from the gate. since i'm running on .5 hours of sleep in the past 34 hours, i quickly fall into a deep slumber despite punk kid who smells like cigarettes next to me
5:15 pm - rudely awoken by loud speaker as the plane is heading back to the gate. the reason? "the plane is missing a part that is critical for safety. we cannot take this plane to chicago."
okay, fine. but did we really just figure this out after an hour of sitting on the runway??
5:40 pm - good news..."we have found another plane that can take us to chicago this evening. bad news..."it will not be here for another 2 hours."
5:50 pm - deplane.
6:15 pm - try to eat a crappy salad at wolfgang puck's for dinner. try to do something productive for the next 1.5 hours.
7:45 pm - board plane #2 of the evening.
7:50 pm - kick trash at the crossword puzzle featured in "Horizons Magazine" because i've already been on a couple united flights this month. go team.
8:00 pm - crash...er, fall asleep.
2:18 am (CST) - arrive in chicago, deplane, get luggage, try to find a cab. dude in a town car approaches me. i specifically ask, "is there a premium fee for this cab ride?" ...the leather seats just look too good to be true for standard airport transport. his response: "no." then he proceeds to invite others to the cab. fine. if it takes part of the cost burden, i'm fine with it.
2:50 am - arrive at hotel after dropping off other passengers. total = $65. what?!? that's "standard" for a 25 min. cab ride w/two passengers four blocks away from each other? did he charge the other guy $65 too?? you've got to be kidding me. the guy proceeds to add a $15 tip to the bill rather than the $8 i originally specified. right. i get his name and number and let him know that i'll be calling his company. whatever.
3:00 am - attempt to check-in to the hotel. front desk can't find my reservation. i should be sharing a room w/someone from work, but this hotel only maintains the name of the first person on a reservation. i call our company Group Travel Services...no luck...they don't know the roomie assignments. me: "fine. then can i just get a room at least." front desk: "well, we're overbooked."
how can a hotel be overbooked? it's not like there are people other than me strewn about the lobby.
3:45 am - after trying everything short of going to another hotel for 45 min, ultimately decide to find a couch in the lobby and just chill, work, etc. until i can contact someone about the rooms, finally check-in, and take a shower before training begins at 8:00 am.

so, yeah. that's my buzz kill. i'm still looking forward to the remainder of the week and the weekend, but with just a few more (...or less) reservations.

What's YOUR Pimp Name?!?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Pimp Mama Big Spenda

What's Your Pimp Name?

Going, Going, Gone!!!

Well, if you haven't heard already you can see for yourself:



And the final result:

just in case you were wondering where our bad @$$ genes come from...

PSA (Public Service Announcement)

Pookie just told me that she got her first ever official Turner Good Game™ on Sunday from TyMotor. She has been waiting for 2 years for that gift, but that she was sure it was going to come from Jaybird. TWO YEARS. What is wrong, people? GET IT TOGETHER! I would not have thought it possible to achieve that kind of defensive posturing, but clearly our skills aren't world class like they used to be. Had she married into the family just before a ski trip where Chez Ronget and PJ were involved, I don't think she would have lasted this long. It's pathetic really.

D-Fish... Comin home!!!

Thanks to the ever-so-generous Utah Jazz Derek Fisher has been released from his contract with them (or at least will be released), and it looks like he's comin home!!! I know the Lakers haven't given us much to rejoice about in the past while, but I'm hoping this will help out a bit.

Article 1

Article 2

Cha Cha Pasha!

Okay! I know most of us saw the fabulous Cha Cha performed on So You Think You Can Dance on Wednesday night!

Thank you Debbie Alan for stating what all of us were thinking. Pasha was the dream of every middle aged house wife that night. He has to have the supper Cylon power (yes I am referencing Battle Star Galactica officially declaring my dorkdom) of projecting to transport himself to a happier place while he danced the night away with Bette Midler! He worked the dance floor with our favorite like it was going out of style! Bravo! Bravo! Needless to say I viewed the performance like 3 times because I just couldn't get enough of sultry geriatric hip swinging and exploding x-jumps. I hope that when I no longer look like the svelte goddess that I am, I too will have a rock solid Russian cabana boy to make feel like the good old days when I could tap that and my partner wouldn't have to sit in the shower for 5 hours afterwards crying, and trying to forget!

The G-Force

So this morning I woke up early to get ready and go to my first day of commission based work. As I exited my bedroom I had the pleasure to greet Jim with hearty hello as he casually walked by unashamed in his G's... The scene randomly appeared in my head throughout my entire day... I bet you guys are jealous

French Victories... ahem... Defeats...

I know this is silly and dumb, but today at work I had a nine hour shift on the slowest day of the week. What does that mean? Plenty of time to play on the computer!!!! Yeah!!!! So one of the fun things I've found is the following that I thought you might all enjoy. I know I've seen it before, but I've never really read into it. It's quite funny if you take a few minutes to read some of it. So... with no further ado...

Go to Google and type in "french military victories"

Click "I'm feeling lucky"

Proceed to click on the link after "did you mean"

Take a few moments and read about the valor of our friends across the pond.

Reverse Cowgirl!

So while not everyone was present this last weekend in Utah, I thought I would post some highlights so fun could be enjoyed by all. Friday night started with a bowl-a-thon. What is more Turner-esque than spending a weekend night in a bowling alley, I ask you. I did get the high score of 145; but, I think the highlight of the evening were the exit moves executed by Tyler, Lindsay and I. They included

• Irish Step Dancing
• Frankenstein Walk
• Breakdancing
• Chest Slide (not performed by a male)
• Bend and Snap

The water park was a blast as well. I won't give you the blow by blow, but imagine Wes getting stuck and having to body shimmy up a water slide so he could take the final dip and exit. Lindsay had a particularly fantastic belly flop from trying to attempt a flip with a 1/2 twist. And Lou and I both discovered that we have absolutely no upper body strength thanks to a rope swing.

I know this posting is lame, but I am trying to find my inner voice. Thanks for bearing with!

when boredom hits home...

The Beginning of the End




The Aftermath

As if there were ever any doubt...

I would just like to announce that it's true, Hank is the smartest dog alive. Within a week, Mr. Blasto, Wifey, Dar and I have trained him to shut the french doors after he comes in. Apparently, you really can be THAT LAZY. And you definitely can teach an old dog new tricks...he turned 10 a month ago, remember? And it only took him a couple of days to get him to the point where he knows just what you mean when you say "Shut Door!" The only thing left is to get him to do it immediately after he comes in, without asking him to do it. But hey, it's all gravy. If he never learned to do another thing, I am completely satisfied.

the glorified jua-tita experience...

i think i just found our next family talent show routine...

Is it just me or does David Beckham...

Look just a smidge like Cousin Jason in this pic? Spice up your life, David.

Some funny sites for you all...

These are a couple of websites that I've come across that I find quite humorous. I think the humor is right up our ally. Enjoy:

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

http://www.overheardatthebeach.com/

Funny Stuff!

At long last, the day has come!

So today I was running some errands that brought me over by Via Estudillo and Via Coronel. As I began my ascent up the hill, I rounded a curve, and there in the middle of the street was this HUGE German Shepherd. I slowed the car down hoping that he would let me pass, but instead, he bound over to the car window and after I rolled it down he started licking me. I am such a sucker. Anyway, with my many years of lost dog experience, I had the feeling that the dog wasn't far from his home. I grabbed his collar and tried to look for an address, but only saw two phone numbers on the tags and no dog name. I made the dog get in the car and he was surprisingly sweet and obedient. He was licking me all the way.

I called both the numbers and got no answer, so I just left messages. I hung around the nabe for a few minutes, but after a while grew restless and decided to take him home and put him out back with Mr. H. Little did I know that this would be the day when Mr. H would finally become a MAN. Without going in to detail, because I'd like to keep this at least a PG-13 rated blog, let's just say that Mr. H was all over him! And the shepherd totally surrendered, rolled over on his back and in other words--and this with a dog that was at least 130-150% his size--was in full-on complete submission mode. It only took him 10 years, but finally Mr. H has accepted his XY chromosomes!

happy birthday...take 2!!!

The legend lives on!

http://www.sixflags.com/magicMountain/info/news_ThrillsRollOn.aspx

Fight CAD with CAD

I know I already told you all about our google CAD program we discovered and are using to design the car, but I wanted you all to be able to see the progress. Enjoy!

Babynames!!!

Baby Metallica Too Taxing for Sweden

Have ya heard the one about the couple in Sweden that was denied the right to register their six-month old girl with the name Metallica by the Swedish Tax Board? Even though there is already an existing girl named Metallica in Sweden?

What kind of a country has a governmental agency that tells you what you can name your kid and what you cant? I WANNA LIVE THERE so I don't have to be surrounded by girls named MADISON! I could just pass a law...there shall be no more female Madisons because the government says so! Maybe I could even get them to pass a law saying you aren't allowed to name a kid Temerity.

The Love Fern in Bloom 2007

I know this is kind of silly, but I just love that ol' Love Fern. Its smells are amazing and it really truly only blooms once a year, and when it blooms, it goes NUTS!

Pinewood Derby **UPDATE**

We've had such a great response to our pinewood derby campaign that I thought it would be nice to keep you all posted on our progress. (I apologize ahead of time if this is a rather long post, but I want it to be detailed so everyone knows what's up!)

We ordered some special speed axles:

Super Speed Axles
The fastest axles on the market, guaranteed!
Polished, nickel plated, with secret cuts to reduce friction and
eliminate wobble.

• Better than polished!
  - These axles are machined perfect, then polished, then nickel plated for a super smooth, mirror-like finish
  - Just insert these beauties and you are ready to race!

  • Friction eliminator!
  - Cut in middle of wheel so less axle rubs on wheel
  - Wheel does not contact axle so you have no friction (none, zero!!!) in this area
  - Provides a cavity to hold graphite during the race

  • Friction Reducer!
  - Tapered head so only a small amount is rubbing on the wheel

  • Wobble Eliminator!
  - Axle shaft is undercut at the head to create a perfect 90 degree edge which eliminates wheel wobble...fixing another problem that slows down your car.
  - Undercut at axle head also eliminates friction in this area because less wheel surface is rubbing on the axle.
  - Undercut also provides another secret cavity to hold graphite during the race

  • Optimal Performance!
  - Axles are machined perfectly round and straight for optimal performance

These axles have been shipped off to Boston to be coated w/ Dicronite, which for those of you who don't know is (in simple terms) the slipperiest stuff known to man. It has a co-efficient of friction of 0.030 (whatever that means... I just got if off the site http://www.dicronite.com/ If you want to know more feel free to explore).


We have also ordered the following speed enhancing items:


PRO Speed Wheels


These have been lathed seven different ways for trueness, weight reduction, and friction reduction; further coated with a "secret multi-step moly-graphite coating" for the ultimate speed advantage.


Tungsten Weights

And I know what you're asking... Why tungsten? Here's why:

Tungsten gives you an advantage because it is about 1.8 times denser than lead...
so tungsten is about half the size for the same weight.


The single tungsten cyclinder on top (.5oz) weighs nearly the same as the three lead cyclinders (.7oz) on the bottom.

This gives you ore flexibilty in your car design,
while allowing you to place weights more precisely in a smaller area for speed.

Since pinewood derby cars are so small it is important to place weight exactly where you need it.

Tungsten - maximum car design flexibility,
and
precise weight placement for speed.


Hopefully in the next week we will have the car designed and cut.

Just to clarify ALL who help out are going to receive credit for their contributions. The names of all contributors will be displayed on the car!

It's definitely gonna be one of those days...

I went to the Riviera Village this morning to mail a package, and so I had to park and put some change in the meter. Well of course I would pick one of the parking spots that had...bird poop dripping in a straight line DIRECTLY over the buttons you have to press to select which space you were in. I summoned all my ingenuity and used my coin to press the right parking button...and then dropped the coin in the slot.

happy, happy birthday...breakin' stylie!

the long road to mammoth base village

saturday night itinerary: dinner @ Hennessey's Tavern @ 7 PM

P-Dub Crew: Hey, we're all walking over to Hennessey's now...are you coming?
L: No, go ahead you guys...I just have to put some make-up on...i'll be 10 min. behind you.
P-Dub Crew: Are you sure?
L: Sure, not a problem...just tell me where to go.

...15 min. later, L leaves the condo.
L: hmmm...i think Hennessey's is down the street to the right. i'll double check on my GPS just to be sure.
GPS: turn left on Canyon Blvd. Straight ahead - 0.9 mi.
L: dang, 0.9 mi. that's a long way. did they really walk that far?? i guess so.
L @ 0.5 mi marker: this is crazy...i'm sure glad i have the GPS, though. i would have never walked this far if it didn't tell me to.
L @ 0.7 mi marker: hmmm...it's got to be just up around the corner.
L @ 0.9 mi marker: hmmm...empty chair lifts, empty base village, no Hennessey's Tavern.

go-go-gadget-sucky-GPS!! can you believe i walked a mile in the wrong direction and then had to walk all the way back?? ...i couldn't even get a break hitch-hiking! needless to say, two miles and about 40 minutes later i finally arrived at the destination for an evening of drunken co-worker merriment!!!

bald eagles spotted in calgary...

i arrived at the carriage house inn of calgary last night around 2 AM. the plan for this morning was to meet my client-counterpart at 7:15 AM in the hotel restaurant before heading to the local client location. after rolling out of bed at 7:10 AM and rushing to get downstairs while leaving the "just-got-out-of-bed-look" behind, i quickly sauntered down to the cafe area. as i came down the hall, i saw my client-counterpart sitting at a table straight ahead. big smile, big wave...and the dude just stared at me. i quickly started to question the assurance i had so excitedly expressed in my wave as i kept walking, nearing the gentleman. as i was about 20 ft. away, the hallway opened up, so i had a clear view of the full dining area, including the client i was intended to meet...on my left...not in front of me. same friar tuck balding pattern, though. ...how awkward do you think the guy in front of me felt as i turned my head, saw the other balding guy in the room and made a not-so-subtle beeline straight for his table?!? you know his feelings transitioned from, "why the hell is this chick waving at me??" to "oh, hell no, that didn't just happen!!" when i realized the situation i just created, it was so incredibly awkward and hilarious at the same time!

Turner domination has been called into question...

Blasto's elders quorum has decided to hold a pine wood derby contest as an activity. Blasto and I were excited to go back to our cub scout days and re-live the fun. Then after a certain Sunday we gained a better understanding of the competitiveness of this so called "just-for-fun activity."

Apparently the spirits of most participants have been deflated by a single engineer who apparently uses 3D CAD design programs to come up with the most efficient cars, and supposedly he always wins. Most in the ward have already conceded that he will win.

Not if we have anything to do with it...

We feel it necessary to not only establish the dominance of the Turner name in this new ward, but to also help defeat this pine wood derby-engineering-computer design mongrel to free the "little guys" from their dire, deflated state. "Turners Rule!"

Now we have done research, and we've discovered that the way to really win also co$ts! We could EASILY spend $100 and still be limiting ourselves. (If you doubt me go to http://www.pinewoodpro.com/ to see for yourself)

Obviously we are not going to spend $100. BUT we would like to ensure our victory, and we feel that this necessitates the expenditure of some limited funds. Hence, we are calling for everyone's help!

Blasto and I have committed $10 each, and we are hoping that we can rally all of your support and have everyone donate $5 each. (Just pass on McDonald's one time!)

All donations are greatly appreciated, and we will keep you all posted on our progress!

Just remember: "What we do in this life echoes in the eternities."

it's official!!!

i picked up lunch today from a local mexican restaurant, and the name they typed on the receipt was "Lincy." i think i'll be submitting my request to the DMV and social security-tracker-people to have the spelling of my name officially changed. any opposed?!?

the highlight of my week...

Wow...

I wish I had an exciting life but I don't.... couch potato+part time student=nothing exciting. We went to the golf range on saturday... I got a blister. I did go to a full 3 hours of church on Sunday for my first time since December that was pretty exciting. I have a month left of school then who knows what we are doing. We have to be out of our place by April 30th not quite sure where we will go next LA, SLC, Provo... who knows it will be an adventure. Pretty boring.... "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" (If you cannot attach a voice with this quote please speak to Lou IMMEDIATELY!!!)

ANNOUNCEMENT

Dad has a subscription to Men's Vogue. I saw it in his office with an address label on it. The transformation is complete. He is now officially metro.

followup...

It's been a week, and my abs still hurt. I think I tore somethin good...

Abs... who needs em?

So, now that I have my handy dandy membership to Gold's Gym we've all been trying to get our sorry butts over there to do some work. Mr. Blasto and I decide to do one of the classes that is a 1/2 hour ab workout.

While in the class it was blatantly apparent that we were not in the condition needed to participate fully. We were dealing with exercise balls, and a couple of times neither of us were even flexible enough to complete the exercises. Needles to say there were times where I was crying with laughter at the retartedness of the both of us. Anyways class finishes and we go home.

The next morning we both get up and walk out of our rooms and ask, "How is your stomach?" To which we both have a reply along the lines of, "Psh!... I don't feel a thing. That dumb class didn't work me out at all!" And we both went on our ways.

The following morning (this is Saturday now) I come home from spending the night at a friends where I slept on a love sac basically in the fetal position allowing my abs to tighten up. I'm walking like a freakin hunch-back because it hurts so much if I stand up straight. I get home and Mr. Blasto is the same way. Both of us are just aching! I try stretching out, whch is SO painful, multiple times, but it just doesn't go away.

It is now Sunday and there is definitely still soreness. I guess we are bigger pansies than we thought.

Ok, so I don't know if you've heard this, but there's this Madam that was convicted of prostitution that has written a tell all book that's being released like this week or something and she NAMES NAMES. And one of the names she names is Tommy Lasorda, which I'm sorry that puts a grin on my face. So I was reading a little blurb about it on Page Six, and then I come across this little gem in the article:

Lasorda's lawyer, Tony Cappazola, was also indignant. "He's very upset. It's a slimy book so full of inaccuracies. For instance, she says she called Tommy back on his cellphone and he didn't even have a cellphone . . . She's an over-the-hill, desperate hooker attempting to make a buck," said the lawyer, who scoffed at Gibson's claim that Lasorda paid $1,500 in cash. "You know Lasorda. He wouldn't buy lunch," Cappazola said.

How many TONY CAPPOZZOLAs (Page Six spelled it wrong) can there be in the world right? Well it turns out there are two: Tony Jr. that we know and love (beep beep) and Tony Sr., Lasorda's Lawyer. And here we are, full circle.

Struggles at the gym

So if you didn't know last week the doctor gave me permission to do whatever I want. This week we decided to start going to the gym. Monday was great I ran on the eliptical for 50 min and I was alright. Tonight, however, I tried a different eliptical machine than mondays. I was all excited cause I had my nike watch and heart rate monitor; I was set. So I jump on the eliptical and it says my target heart rate should be 158 and don't you worry my heart rate on the easiest setting, no incline, no resistance was at 180.... so I got off and walked on a treadmill... yes that is right walked and was able to keep my heart rate at 158. Just shows how out of shape I am. Walking for me is considered a hardcore cardio workout.

No one get Bird Casino Royale for her birthday, 'cause I already did.

Hi Kids!

Bob and I are very excited about this new venture, and I hope it's something we can keep up. For right now the only rule we have is...please post at least one funny story a week per kid. Also, for propriety's sake we all need to come up with psuedonyms to protect the innocent. I would recommend for privacy's sake that they don't relate to our names in real life. For example "Bobber" would be ok. It might be helpful to also come up with names for the pool of characters that we all know and love...for example, we all know who "The Gasser" is.