Ah.. to be 12 again

The other day I was at Lindsay's, and I stepped on her do-it-all scale. I just wanted to rub in the fact that according to it I have 7% body fat and the metabolic rate of a 12 year old. Boo-ya-ka!!

I can't wait!!

forget the pacific-coast-harley-davidson-family-roadtrip...we've got a more fashionable way to travel!

...the hoovercraft video has been removed because it's loud, annoying, and i think we've all seen it. if you haven't seen it, it can be found at http://www.internationalrobotics.com/Movies/Float-Er.MPG.

i've got an idea...

does anyone else find this exceptionally lame??? who needs a "walking workout" dvd? ...and how exactly does that work? do you walk in circles in the living room as you attempt to keep an eye on the dvd for it to tell you what's next? and how much walking instruction can be on a walking dvd? who really needs THIS much help??

change the message...or else...

Sorry, but we don't carry alopecia...

Most of you have heard this story, but I figured I would put it up here at the request of many. This occurred while I was working at the Missionary Mall. I was helping a mom find various items around the store. While looking at some gift items the mom leaned a little close and asked, "Do you have alopecia?"

Thinking this was some sort of product she was looking for that I wasn't aware of I tried to respond in a professional manner, "No, I don't think we carry that."

She then said, a little confused, "No, no, I mean with your hair."

Realizing she wasn't talking about any product but rather something to do with my spots, I thought quickly and couldn't remember ever having anything that sounded like alopecia (whatever that was!).

As soon as I was done helping her I got on one of the computers at work and looked up alopecia on Wikipedia. Once I started reading the light bulb came on in my head and everything started making a little more sense.

For those who are as uneducated as I was feel free to learn more.

Score: Olivia - 1; Errol - 0

So last night I watched The Adventures of Errol Flynn. It was a biography that TCM put together about the life and times of our favorite swashbuckler. Besides giving fun little tid-bits like the name of his beach house with David Niven (Cirrhosis by the Sea), and a brief history of his child hood in Tasmania; it showed interviews with some of his leading ladies and Ex-wives. Of course, Olivia de Havilland had the best story which I will now relate to you.

Apparently when they were filming Robin Hood together, Errol was in hot pursuit however still married to his first wife. Olivia, being the lady that she is, was resisting with all her might. Errol was trying to convince Olivia that they were soon to be divorced but after his wife visited the set for a few days, it was quite apparent that that was not going to happen any time soon. Olivia decided to get back at Errol. The next piece of the story is best described by the words of Ms. de Havilland. "When we moved back to the movie studio, there was a kissing scene that we needed to shoot which I looked forward to with great anticipation. I blew every take at least seven or eight times. . .Errol grew quite uncomfortable and, if I might say, had a little trouble with his tights." This was followed with a knowing raise of the eyebrow and a subtle nod.

When you've got it, you've got it!

YouMail... If only!

I found this on Kevin & Bean's website. If only I had this when Dad left his legendary voice mail for me, then we would have it forever.

Anyways, I just thought some of you might find it interesting:

www.youmail.com

Insert Foot Into Mouth

About a week ago, Pug, Jeff and I went to a house party here in the LV. There was a pretty small group of fun people but after an hour we decided to roll out. On our way out we were chatting with a few friends who asked us what we were doing later that night. Jeff replied in his smart alec way, "We're going back to my place to have a mena je . . ." Unbenounced to us our mentally handicapped Friend Steven was there listening to us and turns to Jeff and asks, "What's a mena je?" I have never seen Jeff so speechless in his life. A few awkward grunts and uhms came out and then Steven said, "Is it something sexual?" At that point Jeff just turned to Pug and I and said, "We're out!"

I can't wait until Steven asks his mom, "Mom, whats a mena je?"

This wins the cute competition. There is nothing in the world cuter!

NO WHAMMIES!!!!!!!

Everyone remember to pray that Bonds doesn't get his homer in LA. NOT ON OUR WATCH!

Buzz Kill

i have been so excited for this week...not only do i get to celebrate a new promotion, but i have plans to travel to chicago for work for 2 days then off to idaho for a weekend of wakeboarding, river rafting, hiking, etc. how could one not be excited?

well, i've just experienced the total traveling buzz kill. would you like to join me on my journey?
3:30 pm - arrive at LAX, check-in, no hiccups
4:10 pm - board the plane for departure at 4:27
4:25 pm - pull away from the gate. since i'm running on .5 hours of sleep in the past 34 hours, i quickly fall into a deep slumber despite punk kid who smells like cigarettes next to me
5:15 pm - rudely awoken by loud speaker as the plane is heading back to the gate. the reason? "the plane is missing a part that is critical for safety. we cannot take this plane to chicago."
okay, fine. but did we really just figure this out after an hour of sitting on the runway??
5:40 pm - good news..."we have found another plane that can take us to chicago this evening. bad news..."it will not be here for another 2 hours."
5:50 pm - deplane.
6:15 pm - try to eat a crappy salad at wolfgang puck's for dinner. try to do something productive for the next 1.5 hours.
7:45 pm - board plane #2 of the evening.
7:50 pm - kick trash at the crossword puzzle featured in "Horizons Magazine" because i've already been on a couple united flights this month. go team.
8:00 pm - crash...er, fall asleep.
2:18 am (CST) - arrive in chicago, deplane, get luggage, try to find a cab. dude in a town car approaches me. i specifically ask, "is there a premium fee for this cab ride?" ...the leather seats just look too good to be true for standard airport transport. his response: "no." then he proceeds to invite others to the cab. fine. if it takes part of the cost burden, i'm fine with it.
2:50 am - arrive at hotel after dropping off other passengers. total = $65. what?!? that's "standard" for a 25 min. cab ride w/two passengers four blocks away from each other? did he charge the other guy $65 too?? you've got to be kidding me. the guy proceeds to add a $15 tip to the bill rather than the $8 i originally specified. right. i get his name and number and let him know that i'll be calling his company. whatever.
3:00 am - attempt to check-in to the hotel. front desk can't find my reservation. i should be sharing a room w/someone from work, but this hotel only maintains the name of the first person on a reservation. i call our company Group Travel Services...no luck...they don't know the roomie assignments. me: "fine. then can i just get a room at least." front desk: "well, we're overbooked."
how can a hotel be overbooked? it's not like there are people other than me strewn about the lobby.
3:45 am - after trying everything short of going to another hotel for 45 min, ultimately decide to find a couch in the lobby and just chill, work, etc. until i can contact someone about the rooms, finally check-in, and take a shower before training begins at 8:00 am.

so, yeah. that's my buzz kill. i'm still looking forward to the remainder of the week and the weekend, but with just a few more (...or less) reservations.

What's YOUR Pimp Name?!?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Pimp Mama Big Spenda

What's Your Pimp Name?

Going, Going, Gone!!!

Well, if you haven't heard already you can see for yourself:



And the final result:

just in case you were wondering where our bad @$$ genes come from...

PSA (Public Service Announcement)

Pookie just told me that she got her first ever official Turner Good Game™ on Sunday from TyMotor. She has been waiting for 2 years for that gift, but that she was sure it was going to come from Jaybird. TWO YEARS. What is wrong, people? GET IT TOGETHER! I would not have thought it possible to achieve that kind of defensive posturing, but clearly our skills aren't world class like they used to be. Had she married into the family just before a ski trip where Chez Ronget and PJ were involved, I don't think she would have lasted this long. It's pathetic really.

D-Fish... Comin home!!!

Thanks to the ever-so-generous Utah Jazz Derek Fisher has been released from his contract with them (or at least will be released), and it looks like he's comin home!!! I know the Lakers haven't given us much to rejoice about in the past while, but I'm hoping this will help out a bit.

Article 1

Article 2

Cha Cha Pasha!

Okay! I know most of us saw the fabulous Cha Cha performed on So You Think You Can Dance on Wednesday night!

Thank you Debbie Alan for stating what all of us were thinking. Pasha was the dream of every middle aged house wife that night. He has to have the supper Cylon power (yes I am referencing Battle Star Galactica officially declaring my dorkdom) of projecting to transport himself to a happier place while he danced the night away with Bette Midler! He worked the dance floor with our favorite like it was going out of style! Bravo! Bravo! Needless to say I viewed the performance like 3 times because I just couldn't get enough of sultry geriatric hip swinging and exploding x-jumps. I hope that when I no longer look like the svelte goddess that I am, I too will have a rock solid Russian cabana boy to make feel like the good old days when I could tap that and my partner wouldn't have to sit in the shower for 5 hours afterwards crying, and trying to forget!

The G-Force

So this morning I woke up early to get ready and go to my first day of commission based work. As I exited my bedroom I had the pleasure to greet Jim with hearty hello as he casually walked by unashamed in his G's... The scene randomly appeared in my head throughout my entire day... I bet you guys are jealous

French Victories... ahem... Defeats...

I know this is silly and dumb, but today at work I had a nine hour shift on the slowest day of the week. What does that mean? Plenty of time to play on the computer!!!! Yeah!!!! So one of the fun things I've found is the following that I thought you might all enjoy. I know I've seen it before, but I've never really read into it. It's quite funny if you take a few minutes to read some of it. So... with no further ado...

Go to Google and type in "french military victories"

Click "I'm feeling lucky"

Proceed to click on the link after "did you mean"

Take a few moments and read about the valor of our friends across the pond.

Reverse Cowgirl!

So while not everyone was present this last weekend in Utah, I thought I would post some highlights so fun could be enjoyed by all. Friday night started with a bowl-a-thon. What is more Turner-esque than spending a weekend night in a bowling alley, I ask you. I did get the high score of 145; but, I think the highlight of the evening were the exit moves executed by Tyler, Lindsay and I. They included

• Irish Step Dancing
• Frankenstein Walk
• Breakdancing
• Chest Slide (not performed by a male)
• Bend and Snap

The water park was a blast as well. I won't give you the blow by blow, but imagine Wes getting stuck and having to body shimmy up a water slide so he could take the final dip and exit. Lindsay had a particularly fantastic belly flop from trying to attempt a flip with a 1/2 twist. And Lou and I both discovered that we have absolutely no upper body strength thanks to a rope swing.

I know this posting is lame, but I am trying to find my inner voice. Thanks for bearing with!